Cleanliness is next to godliness

When going through a few of my saved documents I found my original “about me” from a little social media site called… Myspace.

Here’s a blast from the past:

I LOVE Cleaning my ears. Seriously, Q-tips are the greatest invention ever (screw sliced bread). Cleaning ones ears is a delicate process. Personally, I like to quickly pass the Q-tips under a stream of warm water running from the faucet; just to moisten them ever so slightly. I always use two Q-tips -never one side for the right ear and the other side for the left. I don’t skimp when it comes to this simple pleasure. I then proceed to take both Q-tips and gently insert one into each ear hole and slowly twist them back and forth. At this point I feel as though I’ve experienced a small piece of heaven. It is essential not to get too carried away with this pleasurable experience, because if a Q-tip is stuck too far into the ear then delight quickly turns to horror. You feel as if you have not only viciously attacked your eardrum, but you may have also jabbed the side of your brain. When this tragedy occurs there is no way to get back to the joy you were experiencing a moment prior. All that is left is to wait out the next five to ten seconds of the most bizarre pain you’ve ever felt.

Sometimes I forget that I’ve already cleaned my ears once that day and I’ll do it again.  It never feels as good the second time around. As a matter of fact, the best is when you forget to clean them for a day, and then you suddenly see the Q-tip jar sitting peacefully on the vanity. Your heart starts to beat a little faster, because you know it’s been a while and that only makes he act that much sweeter. Then the ritual begins again with complete concentration, and soon…pure bliss.
Yep, I’ve clearly always been weird.