I’ve been putting off this blog entry for a couple weeks because I didn’t think I had anything constructive or interesting to talk about. I’m gonna give it a go anyway. A few months ago, I re-began my journey as a professional actor with some new tools and a new mindset. The mindset being, that there is plenty of room for me in this industry. I’m well trained and I have something to offer. That something is useful, beautiful and it needs to be shared. Well…since then, I’ve had to remind myself of that every single day and it has been anything but easy. What’s the short version for being in bummerville? Well, I haven’t been booking jobs with the kind of frequency I had hoped for. I’m taking on other jobs as a result and it’s becoming difficult to time manage while also keeping my hopes up. Each morning I wake up with the same questions. Where do I go from here? How much longer can I handle this? If not this, what?
Clearly, I’m feeling a little down and bit “less than”. This isn’t what I had in mind when setting out on my goals with this new frame of mind. When I finally made it a point to sit down and write about something, I dawned on me that I should just be honest. I’m sure that whoever actually reads this blog has felt the exact same way at one time or another (if you haven’t, I’d love to know your secret). Unfortunately, this is just what it is right now. I can only recognize it, see how I feel about it and work from there. This life/career choice isn’t really even an option for me, it’s a necessity, so I have no choice but to get up and try again. I guess I’m just going to have to chalk up these past couple mouths to valuable experiences and a whole lot of character building. At least I’ll know when I book my next great job I will deserve it.
So, maybe good things are happening now? Maybe this is the real work. The enduring. The continuing to get up and face fears every day. The remembering that each day is truly a new one and never assume that I know what’s going to happen. That’s what leaves room for the miraculous- not knowing but going for it anyway.
Ahhh, that felt good. Now, I’m going to listen to Florence+the Machine and Shake this all out! If you’re feeling the same way and need to get it out, hit me up. Or if you have something inspirational to share, I’m a total junkie for that kind of thing.
Here’s a certain pooch that makes even my worst days better!